murt89's Statistics
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User Statistics
| User Level: | User | ||
| Contribution Points: | 303 | ||
| Total Joke Score: | 67 | ||
| Total Time Active: | 9 hours, 40 minutes | ||
Joke Statistics
| Total Jokes Submitted: | 21 | Live Jokes: | 8 | |
| Total Deleted Jokes (including duplicates): | 13 | Duplicate Jokes: | 1 | |
| Average Joke Score (All Jokes): | 3.19 | Average Joke Score (Exc. Deleted): | 8.38 | |
| Average Time Before Deletion: | 44,855m | |||
| Favourite Subcategory | Sex and shit > Dating (1) | |||
All of murt89's 8 jokes.
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My motto has always been 'Always look forward never look back' While it is a great way to live life, its also the reason I reversed over our toddler in the driveway this morning. |
 
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I was out shopping with my 3 year old son and we gathered our things and headed for the register. Whilst in the queue this old woman let out an unmerciful sneeze. I said to my son, "What do we say when someone sneezes?" The old woman looked at him with a huge smile as he racked his brains to try and think of the answer. Then he turns and says, "Cover your mouth ya dirty bitch!" |
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I believe that being good looking can really help you out in life: For instance if I were handsome and I was staring at a girl in a club I'm "flirting" But because I'm fat and my hygiene isn't great when i stare its "creepy". If I climbed up to her second story window and I was good looking its "romantic" but when I do it looking like I do all of a sudden I'm a "crazy stalker" |
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Joke
submitted by murt89, originally by True story in Sex and shit - Dating - Added: 2 years, 8 months ago - Current Score: 12
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Barack Obama - "When I took Michelle out on our first date we ate nice ice cream then we kissed and she tasted like chocolate" No shit Sherlock!! |
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The phrase 'for the purpose of this conversation' was invented because it sounds better than im full of shit but hear me out.... |
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Roman Abramovich spent almost a billion divorcing his wife You would think that would teach him a lesson, but no he goes out and spends 50 million on another cunt.. Some people have to much money |
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Whilst watching Babestation the other night furiously going at myself and straining to work out the kind of noises the woman would be making over the shit music they play on it i came to a realization Deaf people must have some great wanks to this |
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I've just heard Lady Gagas 'Born This Way' and I was quite disturbed by some of the lyrics "My mama told me when I was young We are all born superstars She rolled my hair and but my lipstick on" Thats noway to carry on No wonder he turned out a transvestite. |
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