• murt89's Statistics

    • User Level:
    • User
    • This Month's Leaderboard Points:
    • 0
    • Total Contribution Points:
    • 303
    • Total Joke Score:
    • 68
    • Total Time Active:
    • 9 hours, 40 minutes
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  • Joke Statistics

    • Total Jokes Submitted:
    • 21
    • Live Jokes:
    • 8
    • Total Deleted Jokes (including duplicates):
    • 13
    • Average Joke Score (All Jokes):
    • 3.24
    • Average Time Before Deletion:
    • 44,855m
    • Average Joke Score (Exc. Deleted):
    • 8.50
    • Duplicate Jokes:
    • 1

murt89's Jokes

My motto has always been 'Always look forward never look back'
While it is a great way to live life, its also the reason I reversed over our toddler in the driveway this morning.
I was out shopping with my 3 year old son and we gathered our things and headed for the register.
Whilst in the queue this old woman let out an unmerciful sneeze.

I said to my son, "What do we say when someone sneezes?"

The old woman looked at him with a huge smile as he racked his brains to try and think of the answer.

Then he turns and says, "Cover your mouth ya dirty bitch!"
I believe that being good looking can really help you out in life:

For instance if I were handsome and I was staring at a girl in a club I'm "flirting"
But because I'm fat and my hygiene isn't great when i stare its "creepy".
If I climbed up to her second story window and I was good looking its "romantic" but when I do it looking like I do all of a sudden I'm a "crazy stalker"
Barack Obama - "When I took Michelle out on our first date we ate nice ice cream then we kissed and she tasted like chocolate"


No shit Sherlock!!
The phrase 'for the purpose of this conversation' was invented because it sounds better than
im full of shit but hear me out....