• murt89's Statistics

    • User Level:
    • User
    • This Month's Leaderboard Points:
    • 0
    • Total Contribution Points:
    • 303
    • Total Joke Score:
    • 68
    • Total Time Active:
    • 9 hours, 40 minutes
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  • Joke Statistics

    • Total Jokes Submitted:
    • 21
    • Live Jokes:
    • 8
    • Total Deleted Jokes (including duplicates):
    • 13
    • Average Joke Score (All Jokes):
    • 3.24
    • Average Time Before Deletion:
    • 44,855m
    • Average Joke Score (Exc. Deleted):
    • 8.50
    • Duplicate Jokes:
    • 1

murt89's Jokes

My motto has always been 'Always look forward never look back'
While it is a great way to live life, its also the reason I reversed over our toddler in the driveway this morning.
I was out shopping with my 3 year old son and we gathered our things and headed for the register.
Whilst in the queue this old woman let out an unmerciful sneeze.

I said to my son, "What do we say when someone sneezes?"

The old woman looked at him with a huge smile as he racked his brains to try and think of the answer.

Then he turns and says, "Cover your mouth ya dirty bitch!"
I believe that being good looking can really help you out in life:

For instance if I were handsome and I was staring at a girl in a club I'm "flirting"
But because I'm fat and my hygiene isn't great when i stare its "creepy".
If I climbed up to her second story window and I was good looking its "romantic" but when I do it looking like I do all of a sudden I'm a "crazy stalker"
The phrase 'for the purpose of this conversation' was invented because it sounds better than
im full of shit but hear me out....
Barack Obama - "When I took Michelle out on our first date we ate nice ice cream then we kissed and she tasted like chocolate"

No shit Sherlock!!