My wife went fucking mental earlier when I called her a big fat rhino.
She was screaming and shouting at me, calling me every name under the sun and threatening to beat the fuck out of me.
I just stood there, frozen to the spot.
The safest thing to do, as her vision's based mainly on movement.
I ordered a sex-toy off the internet, a custom made scale replica of my wife's vagina.
On the day it was due to be delivered I sat anxiously at my window, waiting for my postman. After what felt like forever, he came struggling down my path with a big tatty box in his hands, all dented and the flaps torn, blowing around in the breeze.
I thought they would've at least fucking wrapped it.