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|This month's Leaderboard points:||55|
|Total Joke Score:||21,496|
|Total Time Active:||1,530 hours, 12 minutes|
|Fool people into thinking you've been to Madame Tussauds by having your photo taken with various celebrities.|
My young daughter asked me this morning, "Daddy, what were you and Mummy doing in the bedroom last night? I could hear a buzzing noise, then Mummy started to scream."
"Nothing, darling," I replied.
It was then I burst out laughing as my wife walked down the stairs with her half-shaved head.
Tomorrow, I'm going to open up the time capsule I made when I was a kid.
I can't wait to see how big my puppy is.
My son fell asleep at a recent house party we had, so I decided to shave his eyebrows off and draw a cock on his face.
My wife went mental when she picked him up to breast feed him.
I was chatting to a girl on Babestation the other night and I asked her if she could hide.
"Sorry, did you say hide?" she replied.
"Yes, that's right," I said, "and quickly - the batteries in the remote are flat, and my wife is walking down the stairs."
|I think Hilary Swank would make herself more accessible to men if she changed her forename to Gloria.|
My porn star friend recently passed away.
As a mark of respect, we had his ashes scattered over his wife's face.
|Call Of Duty Gamers. Temporarily blind and disorientate your opponent by unexpectedly ripping open his bedroom curtains.|
I was in the shop today, and there was a little boy crying because he wanted some chocolate buttons.
"I haven't got enough money," his mother said to him.
"I've got some spare change on me, I'll buy them," I said to her.
"Are you sure about that?," she said.
"Of course," I replied, "I haven't had chocolate buttons in ages, so it'll be a nice treat for me."