| User Level: | User | ||
| Contribution Points: | 140 | Total Joke Score: | 14,242 |
| Country: |
United kingdom 
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Total Time Active: | 163 hours, 25 minutes |
| Total Jokes Submitted: | 564 | Live Jokes: | 262 |
| Total Deleted Jokes (including duplicates): | 302 | Duplicate Jokes: | 26 |
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The best of ray piste's 262 jokes (View All)
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My friend told me to buy Rage Against the Machine's "Killing In The Name" in protest against the X-Factor always getting the Christmas No. 1. I said, "Fuck you, I won't do what you tell me." |
 
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Joke by ray piste which requires categorising - Added: 3 months ago
- Current Score: 1904.6
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Great news guys! After its annual day-off, the DFS sale starts again tomorrow. |
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To any Americans reading this at midnight, here in England we have been in the new decade for eight hours now and I regret to have to tell you that things have become very bleak.
Many of my fellow countrymen have perished in the most gruesome way imaginable and I want to give you the chance to avoid suffering the same fate. I apologise for not being able to divulge anything more specific, but I urge you, for your own sake, commit suicide now before it is too late. [...] |
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Joke by ray piste which requires categorising - Added: 3 months ago
- Current Score: 774.8
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I've written the funniest joke ever about Bono's death. The only problem is that it makes no sense at the moment because the cunt is still alive. I'm quite prepared to bide my time for a few decades until his life comes to a natural end, but if anyone wants to hear the joke now, and it really is the funniest joke ever, you know what you have to do.... |
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Joke by ray piste in Celebrities - Bono - Added: 1 month ago
- Current Score: 682.2
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My wife and I were called in to see the headmaster at our daughter's school today because she's been making racist jibes at the black children. We were absolutely horrified, we've always told her not to speak to them. |
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A colleague at work accused me of Islamaphobia last week. I said: "Don't be so fucking ridiculous, a phobia is an irrational fear". |
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Joke by ray piste which requires categorising - Added: 3 months ago
- Current Score: 530
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Last year I left my Christmas shopping too late and ended up getting it all done at a petrol station on Christmas morning. I thought the limited selection would leave me in the shit but my 17-year-old daughter squealed with delight when she opened her ‘L’ plates and ran over to hug me. I don’t know why she went out to look on the driveway though. |
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Joke by ray piste which requires categorising - Added: 3 months ago
- Current Score: 515
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When my girlfriend got gang raped last week she described it as: "The most unpleasant feeling I have ever experienced." I'm guessing that she's never got out of a hot bath on a cold morning then. |
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Joke by ray piste which requires categorising - Added: 3 months ago
- Current Score: 408.6
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"Pink Warns Music Industry Is Struggling" What the fuck? How the fuck is Pink qualified to be a spokeswoman for her industry? What next? "Howard from the Halifax warns of delayed economic recovery" |
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Joke by ray piste which requires categorising - Added: 3 months ago
- Current Score: 391.8
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Following on from the 'Noughties', the next decade is set to be called the 'Teens' despite the first three years of it being 10, 11 and 12. I for one hope that this casual misuse of language is extended to other areas. "I have a teenage girlfriend" sounds so much better than "I'm fucking a 10-year-old". |
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Joke by ray piste which requires categorising - Added: 3 months ago
- Current Score: 385
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