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| User Level: | User | ||
| Contribution Points: | 216 | Total Joke Score: | 21,979 |
| Country: |
United kingdom 
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Total Time Active: | 332 hours, 56 minutes |
| Total Jokes Submitted: | 1060 | Live Jokes: | 489 |
| Total Deleted Jokes (including duplicates): | 571 | Duplicate Jokes: | 39 |
| Average Joke Score (All Jokes): | 20.73 | Average Joke Score (Exc. Deleted): | 44.95 |
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The best of ray piste's 489 jokes (View All)
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My friend told me to buy Rage Against the Machine's "Killing In The Name" in protest against the X-Factor always getting the Christmas No. 1. I said, "Fuck you, I won't do what you tell me." |
 
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Great news guys! After its annual day-off, the DFS sale starts again tomorrow. |
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To any Americans reading this at midnight, here in England we have been in the new decade for eight hours now and I regret to have to tell you that things have become very bleak.
Many of my fellow countrymen have perished in the most gruesome way imaginable and I want to give you the chance to avoid suffering the same fate. I apologise for not being able to divulge anything more specific, but I urge you, for your own sake, commit suicide now before it is too late. [...] |
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I love A-level results day. Thousands of drunken 18-year-old girls staggering round the city centre who've already had their self-esteem destroyed. |
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I've written the funniest joke ever about Bono's death. The only problem is that it makes no sense at the moment because the cunt is still alive. I'm quite prepared to bide my time for a few decades until his life comes to a natural end, but if anyone wants to hear the joke now, and it really is the funniest joke ever, you know what you have to do.... |
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My wife and I were called in to see the headmaster at our daughter's school today because she's been making racist jibes at the black children. We were absolutely horrified, we've always told her not to speak to them. |
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"New York hosts Red Bull Air Race for first time" I guess they've got more space for low flying planes now those pesky Twin Towers are out of the way. |
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Joke by ray piste in In The News - 9/11 (+ 1 more) - Added: 2 months, 12 days ago
- Current Score: 561.4
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A colleague at work accused me of Islamaphobia last week. I said: "Don't be so fucking ridiculous, a phobia is an irrational fear". |
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I'm sick and tired of radical Muslims getting all the attention in the media. What about all the awesome Buddhists, gnarly Hindus and most excellent Jews? |
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Last year I left my Christmas shopping too late and ended up getting it all done at a petrol station on Christmas morning. I thought the limited selection would leave me in the shit but my 17-year-old daughter squealed with delight when she opened her ‘L’ plates and ran over to hug me. I don’t know why she went out to look on the driveway though. |
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