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sacredcow's Statistics

User Level: User
Contribution Points: 123 Total Joke Score: 19,138
Country: United kingdom GB Total Time Active: 154 hours, 33 minutes
Total Jokes Submitted: 923 Live Jokes: 432
Total Deleted Jokes (including duplicates): 491 Duplicate Jokes: 26


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The best of sacredcow's 432 jokes (View All)
My boss stormed up to me in the office today and said,
"You missed work yesterday, didn't you?"

"Not particularly," I replied. 		I like this! This is poor.  Edit this
Joke by sacredcow which requires categorising - Added: 3 months ago - Current Score: 986.4

In my experience, nothing fucks a woman up more than stopping mid-rape, apologising and telling her that you just aren't that into her. I like this! This is poor.  Edit this
Joke by sacredcow which requires categorising - Added: 6 months ago - Current Score: 780.4

All you people can keep buying 'Rage Against the Machine' in protest against the X-Factor but don't try to get me involved.

I'm too busy keeping up my own campaign of punching the winners in bookshops. 		I like this! This is poor.  Edit this
Joke by sacredcow which requires categorising - Added: 3 months ago - Current Score: 716.8

Cash4Gold just sent me £350 for a lump of iron pyrite.

Fools. 		I like this! This is poor.  Edit this
Joke by sacredcow in Other - Shops - Added: 1 month, 22 days ago - Current Score: 600

Seeing grandparents at Christmas is brilliant; it reminds you that, no matter how bad you get, there's always someone more racist than you. I like this! This is poor.  Edit this
Joke by sacredcow which requires categorising - Added: 3 months ago - Current Score: 545.6

My wife has just given birth for the first time.

I don't know who I feel more sorry for, my son for being ginger or my wife for having to bring him up on her own. 		I like this! This is poor.  Edit this
Joke by sacredcow in Racism - Ginger - Added: 2 weeks ago - Current Score: 542.2

I phoned my ex-girlfriend today to give her the bad news that she will have to go for an HIV test. To say she was distraught would be an understatement; she was sobbing and screaming on the phone, calling me all the names under the sun for possibly infecting her.

I neglected to tell her that I don’t have the virus myself; I just wanted the cheating bitch to feel like the dirty little slag that she is. 		I like this! This is poor.  Edit this
Joke by sacredcow which requires categorising - Added: 4 months ago - Current Score: 502.6

Just read the headline 'Motorcyclist killed in A1 collision' on the BBC website.

I for one think that the media should show more respect to the grieving family and refrain from rating fatal accidents. 		I like this! This is poor.  Edit this
Joke by sacredcow which requires categorising - Added: 5 months ago - Current Score: 467.4

I had one of those rows with my wife tonight. You know the kind I mean.
The type of argument that leaves you editing Wikipedia to prove your point. 		I like this! This is poor.  Edit this
Joke by sacredcow which requires categorising - Added: 4 months ago - Current Score: 462

My little Sister's got a really tight pussy.

It won't even share its Whiskas with me. 		I like this! This is poor.  Edit this
Joke by sacredcow which requires categorising - Added: 4 months ago - Current Score: 450.4

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