• swampy123's Statistics

    • User Level:
    • User
    • This Month's Leaderboard Points:
    • 0
    • Total Contribution Points:
    • 34077
    • Total Joke Score:
    • 10,617
    • Total Time Active:
    • 593 hours, 20 minutes
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Note: once generated statistics are saved and may not be re-calculated for up to 48 hours. These statistics have just been generated for you. Aren't we nice?

  • Joke Statistics

    • Total Jokes Submitted:
    • 475
    • Live Jokes:
    • 186
    • Total Deleted Jokes (including duplicates):
    • 289
    • Average Joke Score (All Jokes):
    • 22.35
    • Average Time Before Deletion:
    • 53,149m
    • Average Joke Score (Exc. Deleted):
    • 57.08
    • Duplicate Jokes:
    • 56

swampy123's Jokes

I hate this hot weather, I have to keep my windows closed because all my neighbour's kids do is scream.

I'm seriously considering giving them back.
Due to an unfortunate genetic defect, I have been told that I can't drive. It has left me with a lack of spatial awareness, an inability to think logically and terrible mood swings.
On the upside, I can have kids, I'm great at housework and I've got a cracking set of tits.
My wife is a bit of a tree-hugger, so she went ape shit when I ran over a frog.
I said, "Well I couldn't avoid him and it's not like they serve any purpose."
She shouted, "He was on a bloody bike and you're supposed to be driving on the right."
I've just seen a new 3D hologram that tries to deter you from parking in the disabled bays at Tesco.
As you reverse, a little man in a wheelchair wildly flaps his arms shouting, "Stop...stop....NOOOO!".
Once you've parked, you can hear muffled cries of, "Arrrrghhh....Get off meeee!" from under your vehicle.
Great use of new technology. Brilliant, just brilliant.