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"Now then. Now then. Now then. Guys and gals. Welcome to Top of the Pops.
Straight in at thirteen .... me!"
After a few pints down at the local, talk got round to who had the most expensive watch. I showed mine first.
"That's a Rolex Oyster, worth two and a half grand," I grinned.
My mate John smiled and proudly pointed to his wrist.
"This is a white gold Patek Phillipe. I paid the best part of twenty grand for it."
Dave rolled up his sleeve to show his watch.
"What do you think of that then? It cost me £200,000."
Me and John stared a while then I said, "Dave, Thats a Casio."
"I know," he sighed. "My ex-wife bought it for me then found it in her sister's bed."
Flappy bird creator, Dong Nguyen, has removed the program from the App Store. This makes him the first games programmer in history to successfully pull a bird.
I was just watching a BBC report from the Philippines where their man on the ground was commenting on how aid agencies couldn't get food and water to the area.
Why don't they tie the food and water to BBC news teams?
Look on the bright side. At least 'leaves on the line' is an acceptable excuse for cancelling trains when they are still attached to the trees.